I slapped on my flowered bikini and slobbed on some sunscreen and slapped on my sunglasses. I walked fast on my tipsy toes to the linen closet. I grabbed a towel with the words "Enjoy Hawaii".
" Mommy! I am going swimming now o.k.?" I exclaimed to my mom.
" O.K. but don't go to far!" she yelled back.
"I wont!" I yelled back I as ran down to the sandy beach.
I dived into the blue Hawaiian water and swam around like a mermaid. I felt a current hit me. The waves forced me under and i tumbled into the middle of the ocean. My foot hit a rock that was sharp.
"Owwww......!!" I screamed.
As I was done yelling I noticed that I was in the middle of nowhere! I tried swimming back to shore but the currents were to strong to go all the way back. I saw a monster wave coming toward me. I thought that that wave would definitely take me back but I also thought that it would be dangerous. It was my only chance to live. The wave hit me and I jumped onto it and I rode far across the sea brushing my face with air. But I did not notice that it was not big enough to take me all the way back to shore. I waited for the next wave, but I so scared that I peed in my bathing suit. It was allot bigger than the first wave and it was maybe one that could possibly kill me if I swam under the wave. Well, that is exactly what happened. I did not jump high enough and the wave pulled me under and I tumbled and tumbled and I was suddenly drowning. I tried paddling back up but the wave was still going on full speed. Finally the wave hit the shore and I was laying on the sand. I coughed up some water and spit it out on the sand. I wobbled up on my feet and slowly rapped my towel around my body and started for home.
"Hi Mommy..." I said in a weak voice.
"Hi boo boo! How was swimming darling?" she asked me in her question face.
"It was quite an adventure!" I wobbled. I walked towards my bed and plopped down. "I'm pooped!!!" I said the loudest I could so my mom could her me from the kitchen.
"Well I guess that means that It is lunch! What do you want?"
"I want to sleep!"
7 comments:
I love how you describe the waves. I also like your beginning when you said "I slapped on my flowered bikini and I slobbed on some sunscreen and slapped on my sunglasses."
Great action! I especially liked "I was so scared I peed in my bathing suit" -- something I think everyone can relate to!
You used so many descriptive words and I felt like I was standing right next to you. I liked "I dived into the blue Hawaiian water and swam around like a mermaid."
I really liked your SOS it had a lot of action and you sounded so scared which you where but worried that you wouldn't make it which i liked. GREATE JOB!!!
that had to be so scary im glad I wasent in your shoes.
your sos has a lot in comin with mine.
Maia, Your writing is great! It just sounds like you first of all! If you did not put your name on this I would probably just guess it was you. Anyway, You used great descriptive writing in the beginning and you described the waves really well near the end. I can not even imagine being lost in an ocean! I mean sure a park or a mall. But an ocean! That must have been scary. I also agree with maggies comment. Keep writing!
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